Fun Sized
by kandylicous
Summary: Having older brothers isn't easy, when you're Haruno Sakura. Kami-sama, please help my idiotic brothers, Naruto and Gaara threatened to rip off Sasuke's penis with a crowbar. I don't know how they will do it— but those morons will find a way. SxS


**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Fun Sized**

_"ITALICS" - INNER THOUGHTS , FLASH BACKS_

"NORMAL" TALKING

_**BOLD ITALICS -INNERS**_

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* * *

_

_**Sakura P.O.V.**_

I sighed and poked my red haired twin in his belly. He grunted and grabbed my sexy pink haired head and started to noogy me. I swore, I lost IQ points over my eighteen years of my awesome youthful life because of his idea of harassing his younger twin.

Screw you, Gaara. I'm going to throw Fluffy—Fluffy was Gaara's pet cat, into Naruto's room—no one dares to go in because no one has ever reemerged back out alive. I'm positive, you need a gas mask, to get into his lair. My twin is called sexy and cool by all of the worlds female population. Yet, none of them know he's secretly a cat freak—and was obsessed with sand at one point in his retarded messed up life._ Sand, who the fuck is obsessed with sand?_ Like come on really._ Sand._ Pssh at least Naruto's ramen obsession was _slightly _okay. Having ramen 545642414 times a day, was normal, wasn't it?

Gaara seemed to have read my thoughts and glared at me from across the kitchen.

Fucking twin telepathy—Damn you.

When my red haired twin scooted his chair a little to the left, placing distance between us. I snorted like my best friend, Ino-pig, When she snorts when she's laughing it is totally disgusting. One time, in grade 8, we went to the movies and Ino laughed so hard, her vanilla milkshake came out of her nose and onto her date.

_Dirty much?_

_Erase that. She is a pig, what do you expect?_

We never heard from that guy ever again._  
_

We have vowed to never talk about that day again. Since, It was uncool._ Yeah. uncool. _I, Haruno Sakura am the epitome of all things cool and sexy._ Just ask my brothers. _I can do many things that are cool. I can disable, a hot wheels car in a couple of seconds and I can burp the abc's, while juggling flaming crowbars and singing the Inuyasha opening theme song. Naruto, my older brother says I have the talent to be destructive. Gaara my older twin, says I'm just stupid._  
_

Gaara is such a prick,

and annoying and an

ugly excuse for an older brother.

I slapped an orange dude on the back of his head, when he glomped me and I hurt my sexy ass on the not so sexy floor. Besides being super cool and super awesome. I'm super sexy.

Cheeyeahh. Bitch. I am a hot piece of ass. Okay, I'm sounding like a Mary Sue but hey, I get checked out left, right and center. Having overprotective older brothers really pays off, when fan boys follow you home and decide to declare there undying love for you. While dancing the macarana in a hideous green spandex jumpsuit. Yeah— we never saw that guy again, after Nar and Gar beat the shit out of him. I'm positive they beat the youth out of him.

My eyes still burn from the memory, the green beast.. jiggled everywhere. EVERYWHERE, I say.

Eh. Sorry, I momentary freaked out when Naruto dangled strawberry pocky in front of me. I forgot what I was talking about. Porn? No. Guys. No. Ducks. No. Fluffy reading porn? Fluffy making it's own porno? Ahh yes, space ships. Gaara stared at me funny as I started talking about spaceships and evil flying monkey robots, that would eat you, if you didn't eat sacrifice enough ramen to the ramen lords. Naruto was intrigued by my genius idea and insisted that we please Ramen-sama. Gar-Gar thought I was an idiot. He couldn't believe his siblings were both addicted to ramen.

" Gar-Gar, they'll eat you!" I screamed at him, when he shook his head and stirred his fruit loops cereal. I grunted, and threw Fluffy off the table, before swiping some ramen from Naruto. Gaara's teal eyes narrowed and then he placed Fluffy on his lap. The evil demon cat smirked at me and cuddled into my brothers lap.

_That damn ugly cat._ It looked like a blow dried rat. For serious, who the hell cuddles with a freaking cat? God, I cuddle with duck-chan. Yes, duck-chan, my super hot and super sexy hunk of a boyfriend.

I, sighed, Gaara was going to be a crazy cat man one day.

Did I just say Gaara was an annoying, ugly excuse for a brother?

Screw that,

Naruto is.

Was it a bad thing when your boyfriend's best friends were your brothers?

_**End P.O.V.**_

**xxx**

A tall blond haired man whizzed throughout the kitchen of his elaborate mansion, dashing random vegetables and meats into his infamous ramen. He took a whiff of the scent that filled the large upscale kitchen and felt his mouth watering. The blond haired man ran a hand through his spiky locks and grinned at the sight of his younger bickering twin siblings.

" Gaara, I WANT THE FRUIT LOOPS." A red haired man towered over a short pink haired girl. Naruto, the blond haired male laughed at the height differential. The pink haired girl or his Sakura-chan, was a mere 5'1 and Gaara, the red haired brother stood at 6'3.

Naruto thought it was weird, for their sister to be so short. He, himself stood at '6'4 and there mother was 5'10. His facial expression dropped into a grim line, none of them had ever met their father. He had left when the twins were born. Naruto, was a year older and had no memory of the coward. He had left there mother, in order to pursue his own dreams and to escape the poverty they were encased in.

There mother, Kushina, promised herself to provide a good life for her children. She grid her bones and with handwork, commitment and sweat. She, became CEO of Harizu Corps. A company that traded internationally on the stock market. It was a phenomenon to go from rags to riches—Kushina did it all for her children.

Sakura, the youngest in the family, had often said that there Dad struck the peace sign and went "Deuces." Naruto, had sweat dropped at his sister but Gaara believed it was possible since there dad was a fucker. Kushina was proud of her children, they were all intelligent—she prayed for Naruto, at least— and they all had morals and values. Her eldest child, helped her with the twins and raise them into the fine young individuals they were.

Naruto howled with laughter, when Sakura pulled a stool to stand on, to face the red haired man. " Gar.." She growled and kicked her twin in the gut. He snorted and tossed the box of sugar coated cereal to Naruto. " I don't want to play monkey in the middle." She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. The blue eyed male, trotted over and ruffled her pink tresses. She childishly stuck her tongue out at him.

" Such a short, kid." He teased and flashed his sisters favorite strawberry pocky in front of her—the cereal long forgotten. Her emerald eyes narrowed menacingly." I AM NOT A KID." She growled and jumped onto the blond. Gaara smirked and picked his pet cat, Fluffy, up and took a seat at the table, waiting for breakfast to be served. Apparently, Naruto got distracted easily and couldn't pour orange juice in a glass without fidgeting. He sweat dropped at the sight of Naruto and Sakura play fighting.

" BAKA, GET BREAKFAST." The short pink haired girl growled and punched the blond fox boy before slowly trudging over to the table and taking a seat across from Fluffy. According to Gaara, Fluffy was a member of the family and deserved a spot the table, just as much as anyone else did. Sakura glared at the hellcat and fumed when Gaara smirked at her. The black muscle tee clad man leaned back in his chair and from under his lashes, observed his twin.

Her cheeks were red from her wrestle with Naruto, and her eyes hardened with, what he presumed was anger. His twin wore a tight white t-shirt and dark denim short shorts. Her long pink tresses, were tousled. Gaara blinked and looked at the back of his older brother. His skin was sun kissed and he had golden locks with startling blue eyes. He wore an orange short, with a pair jeans—from the simplicity of the outfit Gaara, knew his brother was about to head off to the gym. The red haired twin had long acknowledged that his family had been blessed with a wonderful gene pool.

It was just, Sakura didn't get the height. Gaara lightly chuckled and watched his brother place a plate of pancakes, sausages and eggs at the elaborate table. Piping hot bowls of ramen were brought in next. Sakura grinned and scrambled to fill her empty plate up with delicious home cooked foods.

_Gaara was proud of his older brother. _

It was rare when Naruto cooked a meal without setting the house on fire.

" Ne, Sakura-chan, did you spend all of your life on your knees? Is that why your so short?" Naruto questioned, while shoving his face with food. Sakura growled and threw her fork at her brother.

" Shut up, baka. I'm fun sized."

" Nani? Fun sized what is that?" He drawled out.

"IT MEANS I'M SUPER SEXY, CHEEEYYAAAAAH."

Gaara and Naruto sweat dropped when she started to fist pump, and encouraged Fluffy to try it as well.

**xxx**

" I AM NOT SHORT." She growled and threw her soda can over the railing she was perched upon. A, blond haired girl starred up at her, from her spot on the university roof. She smirked wickedly at her sister like figure. " Ne, Sakura-chan, you are on the petite side."

" Hai. I agree with pig." A female with brunette locks tied up into buns, boomed and took a sip of her pepsi. The girl sprawled out into the sun and used her giant purse as a pillow." Tenten- I am not a pig!" The blond screamed and lunged for the girl.

Tenten laughed and rolled away when Ino attempted to slap her with a medical textbook. Hinata sighed and ignored her fighting best friends and leaned back on the railing, letting her raven tresses blow slightly in the wind. She looked over at Sakura and smiled. " I think you're beautiful just the way you are." Sakura flashed her a breath taking smile.

Hinata was dating Naruto and the pink haired girl was sure, she would end up with Hinata as a sister in law. Which would be totally cool. Fuck that, it would be SUPER COOL. Ino, pushed TenTen away from her and sat down against the fence that was only on the left side of the roof. " You're tiny, Sakura. It never bothered you before, why now?"

Sakura huffed and blew a few stray strands out of her face, " because Gar and Nar keep making fun of me!" She pouted and hopped off the railing. " It's not like it's the first time but I just wish I was a bit taller."

" THERE MORONS!" TenTen screeched. " We all know that Naruto is retarded, no offence Hinata." Her eyes lingered over the lavender eyed girl who smiled in return," but are you telling us, that even, Gaara disses your height?"

" YESSSSS." Sakura hissed and viciously opened another can of soda, letting the fizz drip all over her hands. " They even got the guys to call me vertically challenged!" Ino grinned like a mad man. She placed her hands on her hips. " We don't we show the guys, that short shit over here can roll with the big guys!" Tenten and Hinata smirked at Ino's implication and her nick name for Sakura." I am not short shit." The emerald eyed woman growled." Don't make me re-tell the milkshake story, pig." Ino, glared at her. " Shut it, pinky. We got some pranks to pull."

**xxx**

**_Sakura P.O.V_**

I am not short shit, bitch.

I AM HARUNO SAKURA, INTERGALACTIC SPACE RANGER AND PROTECTOR OF THE UNIVERSE.

Cheeaayaah,

I do Buzz Lightyear, so much better.

Sakura Lightyear. What. What.

Okay, no. Buzz pawns me because he is super epic and superlicous.

Get it.

Okay, let's hope you got it because Naruto's would ask me to draw and dance out my explanation to him.

What a tooth, geez.

Ino and the girls all planned some pranks to pull on Naruto and the boys. So far, we came up with nada, zitch, zero, nothing.

TenTen wanted to replace their jockstraps with thongs but all of us refused to touch the guy's nasty jockstraps.

Ino wanted to put neon green hair dye in the shower heads of the football locker room. You, see my Sasuke-kun, is star quarter back for Konoha University. I can't let him walk around with neon green hair, it wouldn't look good with my hair.

Hinata had the most vile, most malicious, most dirty plan out of all of us. To say I was shocked—SHOCKED, I tell you—would be the understatement of the year. Fuck that, the century.

_She said we tell the boys, no sex for a week._

But Ino being the dumb whore she was, said that she couldn't go a week without making love to her lazy lover, Shikamaru,

Tenten said Neji would rape her, for bodily contact. I'm sure ducky-chan would do the same thing.

Gaara wasn't dating any of my friends, so that plan didn't work.

What a bummer. I wonder what a sex starved Sasuke-kun would be like. I, bet he would tie me up to the bed for a full day, if I ever did that to him. I'm not complaining or anything, but Gaara and Naruto would beat the shit out him. I'm afraid they'd harm his beautiful god like face that was carved by angels themselves.

_Poor, Sasu-cakes._

Oh, how I love his face. His sexy eyelashes that look they have mascara applied to them but in reality... they don't. Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is prettier then I am.

_Cause he's flawless._

Damn Ass.

He's got this gravity defying jet black hair that sticks up like a chickens ass. His skin is spotless and he's...

tall.

He is fucking tall. T-A-L-L. Tall! I tell you, TALL! The jerks 6'5. He literally towers over me. One time, we were walking down the street together and some old crusty lady asked him, if I was his daughter.

_Bitch, Do I LOOK LIKE HIS FUCKING KID!_

I scowled and flipped the old bitch my middle finger. I remember duck-chan, apologized to the lady for my lack of manners. Cheeyaaah. Right. I've got tons of manners. Mommy-chan, raised me to be a lady but Gar said to give people my middle finger when they make Sakura-chan angry. I think, I was four when he told me that.

Gar's a corrupted kid. Stupid sand freak.

I followed Gar Gar's advice and gave my mom the finger, later the night because she wanted me to eat some nasty deadly broccoli, that looked like mutants. She got angry and asked me where I learned that from. My cute four year old self, pointed at a chibi Gaara. He cried, when Mommy-chan, made him eat broccoli for a month. I smirked at the red haired boy. He vowed revenge against me and plotted with Naru-chan.

Gar cut my hair off in my sleep the next month.

Naruto, videotaped it.

I, dyed there hair hot pink to get revenge.

As punishment, Mommy-chan, made us all eat spinach for another month.

It was horrible. My insides were dying. I, swear I turned into a piece of spinach as well. So, Gar and I just beat the shit out of Naruto for being annoying, to hide the pain of extra spinach consumption.

Aww, I miss those days.

I sighed and picked my medical textbooks off the floor and tossed my empty soda can into the trash. My emerald green eyes looked at the time on my new blackberry.

_1:45pm._

_The last thing, I said was fuck before running like a mad bitch._

**xxx**

" Haruno-san, you are late for class. What is your excuse this time?" A man with long white hair bellowed at the petite pink haired woman. She, nervously scanned the class for her friends and released a shaky breath before grinning at her instructor. Sakura, placed her books on the teachers desk and turned around to face the man. "Jiraiya-sama, I am not going to lie to you and make up a ludicrous excuse. I was not fighting crime in a thong or rescuing a cat from a fire or twirling around on a pole for some secret ninja mission." Sakura paused, " Thong week, was last week."

The class sweat dropped at the pink haired girl and watched the scene unfold.

Jiraiya nodded his head and ushered the girl to continue. " I was working on the illustrations for your new... ICHA ICHA NOVEL!" Sakura smirked and slammed the pornographic novel on his desk. Jiraiya grinned and patted Sakura on the head. " You are a wonderful student, Sakura-chan! These illustrations are so detailed. Is that you and Sasuke?" His perverted smile continued to grow in the size. " Sakura, YOU HAVE TALENT. YOU SHALL BE THE NEW MODEL OF MAKE OUT PARADISE."

An English textbook came flying at the mans head, from the only chicken butt haired man in the class. Followed by the book, a bowl of ramen was tossed at the man. " ERO- SENIN, LEAVE SAKURA-CHAN ALONE!" Naruto stormed down to the front of class and yanked the book out of his teachers hands. " Even though, you're our grandpa, why the hell would you suggest OUR SAKURA-CHAN, FOR PORNO!"

Jiraiya shrugged his shoulders and muttered something about his grand daughters height was perfect for the job. Naruto, flipped through the pages of the novel with a perverted grin that matched his Grandpa's. "Ne, Sakura-chan, these are pretty detailed.. and that guy.. looks like Teme." His cerulean eyes landed on the raven haired man, who looked away. The blond noticed the faint tinging red on the pale male's face and grinned.

"TEME IS BLUSSSSSHINNGGGGG."At the loud squeal from Naruto. Gaara shot of his seat and lunged at the Uchiha from half way across the class, the implication of his blush, hit Gaara like a ton of bricks. "Naruto, you baka. He's blushing because those drawings are accurate."

Naruto's face vividly paled and his aura darkened. " Teme." He growled and dragged the Uchiha by his dark chicken butt hair out of the class before grabbing the hall pass off his sensei's desk. Sakura sighed and started to walk to the back of the class, taking her seat next to Hinata.

**xxx**

Haruno Sakura was irritated beyond belief, her over protective brothers the main reason for her distress. She hated the fact that they always shadowed her when ever she decided to take a step forward. Sakura supposed that it was since their father left their mother—the boys felt the need to protect her. To prevent her from having the same fate as her Okaa-san.

The pink haired woman, loved her brothers but this was all to much.

_Naruto and Gaara had_

_threatened to rip off Sasuke's penis with a _

_crowbar. _

She didn't know how they would do it—but they would find a way._  
_

Sakura sweat dropped at the threat and realized her baka's brothers, would actually carry it out. She retaliated by dying there hair flaming orange during their naps. The pink haired girl tossed a hand through her hair and flipped through the channels, using the remote control. Bottles of cola, laid aimlessly on the ground along with scattered candy bar wrappers.

"Sakura's got the gummy worm blues. She can't afford to buy shoes, cause she looks like a hoeeeee with no shoesssssssss." Naruto's incessant babbling echoed in the living room, followed by a pair of foot steps. The sun kissed boy ruffled her pink tresses and plopped onto the couch. Gaara elegantly seated himself across the room— Fluffy, still in his lap.

" Hey Sakura-chan." Naruto grinned and took the bowl of nacho's out his sisters vice like grip. He popped some of the snacks into his mouth and looked down at his sisters solemn face. The now neon orange haired man scowled. " What's wrong, Sakura-chan?"

Gaara rose an eyebrow and tossed a pillow at the emerald eyed woman. When she didn't respond, both boys grew worried. Sakura's rosy lips set in a straight line and her eyes softened before facing her blood relatives.

" Why do you two go out of your way for me? Why do you protect me, so much?" Her words were a whisper, but the boys caught them.

" Because we love you, Sakura-chan. You mean the world to Gaara and I." Naruto's reassured and pulled his sister in for a hug. " We just don't want you to end up getting hurt." Gaara retorted and smiled at his sister, Fluffy long forgotten now. A deafening silence plagued the group, as thoughts of their coward father haunted them.

Sakura sighed breaking the pregnant pause," You guys are TOO OVER PROTECTIVE!"

Naruto snorted, " It's cause you're so little and fragile. We don't want you to break. " He pressed a kiss to her forehead, " and Teme's a teme, you have to be careful around him." Sakura smiled and pulled Gaara in for a group hug.

_Maybe being short shit wasn't such a bad thing after all._

Fun sized was the way to go.

Sakura looked up at her brothers, "Are you two still going to rip off Sasuke-kun's penis with a crowbar?

" HELL YEAH!"

_-insert Naruto and Fluffy fist pumping-

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_

" What are you doing here, Hyugga?"

" I should be asking you the same question, Uchiha."

_Glare._

The two football players glared at each other and roughly turned there heads away from each other.

" Naruto, he threatened to..." Sasuke gulped on air, afraid to finish the statement as his mind was plagued of images of being ruthlessly castrated. The raven haired man crawled into the corner of the broom closet and brought his knee's to his chest. " I WANT MY PENIS TO REMAIN, NEJI."

Neji would have laughed at how out of character Sasuke was but his penis was also on the line as well. The brunette haired man took a seat in the opposite corner of the room, and searched the room for any signs of a blond haired fox boy.

" What did do you Neji?" Sasuke briskly spoke.

" I wouldn't let him fuck Hinata."

" Oh."

" What did you do, Uchiha?"

"I fucked his sister."

_Silence._

" You're a dead man, Sasuke."

Neji sparred Sasuke a glance and shrugged his shoulders, " He threatened to rip mine off as well. "

The Uchiha would have arrogantly smirked but a mad penis ripper was on the lose. The situation was to be approached with caution. He wondered if animal control would be able to keep Naruto under control but it was Naruto— the man who defied all odds. Sedation wouldn't do shit to the man.

"Hyugga."

"Yes?"

" Don't watch me, when my penis gets torn off."

"I'll try my hardest not to."

Sasuke's face visibly paled of all color. Neji smirked. " Last time, I saw Naruto.. he had a crowbar... _and it was on fire_."

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**Authors Note:**

**Story sucked balls, I know. The ending was craptastic,**

**but I hoped you enjoy the sibling-hood of these three :) it made me smile when I was writing about them.  
**

_**Love Kandy.   
**_

_**Please Read and Review. Hit that button!**_


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